Low Self-Esteem

See if your experience fits any of the following:

  • Do you feel as if you are somehow worth less than others?
  • Do you habitually put yourself down?
  • Is your "go-to" position when things don't go well to blame yourself?
  • Are you aware that you think you need to work much harder than anyone else to be acceptable?
  • Do you feel you have to control yourself because you feel you always mess up?

If you answered "yes" to any of these, it is likely that you answered "yes" to all of them - these thoughts about yourself are the hallmarks of low self-esteem.

There is More to This

Not feeling pleased with yourself generally comes along with other issues. You probably feel anxious and depressed: you worry about things in the future because your view of the past is tainted by a negative filter. You worry about what you have said and done because you feel others see you in a negative light; but it is actually you just trying to work out how others see you - not an easy task anyway.

A Negative Filter

This means that you can do amazing things all day long, but get hooked up to focus on only that one thing you "did wrong", and since you can only focus on one thing at a time, all the positives fade into the background, so you are left feeling frustrated with yourself.

Frustration

This compounds your feelings of discontent with yourself. Try as you might, you can't seem to "get it right": you think that you should be able to do everything naturally, without worrying about it: after all, everyone else just seems to get on with it; why can't you?

Anger

Your experience of not being able to "achieve" things in the way you expected leads you to feel other emotions, especially anger with yourself. "What's wrong with you?" you might say to yourself. Life is just a series of disappointments and YOU are the cause.

Compare and Despair

This really compounds your feelings of low self-esteem. Everyone else seems to be doing fine because that's all you notice; your negative filter is only noticing the things that fit your view of things, so you are missing out on seeing everything that's there.

How can counselling help?

Over the sessions, all your issues around yourself: your negative thoughts about yourself and the intense feelings that present themselves reduce because the work we do in talking more and more openly allows you to notice your negative filter and when you are being hard on yourself.

You learn to look and see not what you expect, but what is actually there - who you really are/what you are really like - aren't these just the same thing?

A Sense of Self

The sense, rather than an idea, of who you are helps grounds you because it is something you can be sure of. That may not be so easy to understand right now, but think about it for a while - mull it over if you like: If you know who you are, then you would know how to be that person.

Find out who you are.

"The Truth will set you free."

John 8:32

It's far easier to be who you are, whether that's imperfect or not - and far, far kinder to yourself.

This is not a fear-based stance, but a goal-driven direction!

How will this happen?

I'm with Carl Rogers on this: he said that the counselling process is a "mystical process" - it's not easy therefore to say how it works.

However, it has been my constant experience of working as a counsellor, that over time, as you talk more about you own daily life, you will naturally overcome because the truth will appear.

It's as if YOU are the cure for YOU.

Why can't I just "pull myself together?"

You see yourself as faulty, so how could you achieve it? On the other hand, if you could have done this, how come you haven't already? You may take the meaning from this that you just can't: that is, because you are faulty - it just proves it.

The truth is, that having another person - one you can trust, who is on your side - to respond as a natural person as you discuss your issues would help you develop that sense of self which is so empowering.

It's a natural process, and takes as long as it takes - an unknown quantity at the start of counselling. However, over time, things get clearer, including the sight of that light at the end of the tunnel getting larger and larger.

What are you waiting for?

I know - this seems a hard challenge. However, you have probably waited for a year or so anyway, hoping something will change for you. Let me ask you "what actually has changed?" or better still "what have you done to make changes?"

I will leave it up to you to contact me to ask about entering counselling with me, or somebody else. I see this as your choice and yours alone, but I wish you well on your journey and who knows? Maybe our paths will cross one day, my friend.

God bless.

Get in touch via the contact page and let's get you on the right path.