Understand yourself and stop reacting and regretting
Anger management can help you control your reactivity to situations that push your buttons and get the desired outcome.
You might have ended up here because you’re looking for a way to reduce the impact your anger issues are having on those close to you, maybe your partner or children. Of course, it can damage relationships because it’s a potent emotion, and I know that dreadful fear that you might cause a relationship to end.
You feel furious because when things got tough, you tried even harder, and nobody realised you were doing your very best. In that case, you feel misunderstood and how hard it is to get others to change their minds about you if you’ve “lost it” a few times.
You may be searching for anger management because deep-seated rage affects you in so many ways.
Symptoms of Anger or Rage
All you want is for it to stop!
I know what catastrophic thinking is like: thoughts like “Nobody ever listens” harass you just when you’re at your most vulnerable. Isn’t it just as if somebody is attacking you?
I understand if you expect others to judge you and feel completely alone. I know the kind of dread and fear you feel that others will find out about your awful secret. Sometimes the whole world doesn’t seem a safe place at all.
Everything seems so unfair.
I thought like that for most of my younger years. Yet, once you have taken away some of the core beliefs that maintain your outrage, the whole structure collapses quickly on its own.
Anger Management Changed Mel’s Life
Mel (name changed) was a young, married woman who came to counselling because she kept bursting into tears. She didn’t have much faith that the therapy would help because she didn’t exactly know what made her tearful. We discussed her expectations of what would happen, and she admitted that despite what I had said, she thought I would tell her what it was.
Once she accepted that this would be a joint effort, she began to open up. She began to talk more openly and started to get in touch with her hidden feelings. She had difficulty naming them, but I encouraged her to persevere.
In time, she realised that she felt frustrated with herself because she should have done more to protect her mother from harm. The guilt kept her living in the past, and she believed that everything was her fault.
I continued to work with Mel, and she learned that it wasn’t her fault because she was too young to do anything to help her mum.
She used mindfulness, coupled with counselling, to raise her awareness. As a result, she learned to acknowledge her feelings, understand what they meant, and avoid being overwhelmed.
After about six months, she left therapy. She continued to work on herself and grow more resilient in staying calm.
Anger Management Can Help You Understand
Ask yourself, “What is my anger saying about me?” The truth is, it’s a protective measure against a threat. Something which seems unfair can leave you feeling enraged if nothing is being done about it. In such cases, perhaps it is saying, “I’m going to drown under the weight of everything you’re piling up on me”.
Such powerful feelings may blot out other aspects of you, so you need to understand what’s going on so you can lower your stress levels and be more like yourself.
Mindfulness and Anger Management
Since you aim to stop being triggered by situations, a mindful approach is helpful because increased awareness helps you nip reactions in the bud. It’s impossible to unsay something, and if it really matters, you’ll probably blame yourself. This only perpetuates the strong feelings, though, so there is an extra need to learn to notice various aspects of your functioning.
The thing is, cultivating mindfulness is a long game, so it takes practice. Fortunately, many opportunities to learn in daily life don’t require learning a breathing technique. For example, all the times you feel about to blow up can be unpacked in discussion with me. So, apart from getting to know yourself better in the counselling room, I can suggest techniques for when things get heated.
Let Your Natural Abilities Flourish
If you meet me halfway in counselling, we will look at your thinking and discover unclear, unexamined beliefs that cause you pain. You should soon feel generally less upset, hurt or disappointed as the real you emerges.
I’ve worked with lots of people to turn their life around completely. It may not be easy, but if you put in the work and attend sessions regularly, you should soon see a difference in how you feel.
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