Counselling for Anxiety & Relationship Problems

I provide a counselling service for individuals with anxiety, relationship problems and associated issues. I work in Wath upon Dearne, Rotherham and Hoyland, near Barnsley, but I also provide online counselling UK-wide.

Michael Underwood MBACP - Counsellor for Anxiety and Relationship Problems in Rotherham

My professional experience, counselling in a domestic abuse charity and also helping people overcome workplace stress in the NHS, has led me to specialise in these and related issues.

Generally speaking - anxiety and relationship problems go together.

For example, if you and your partner frequently fall out or there are affairs, you will almost certainly find yourself constantly worrying, overthinking, having disturbed sleep, being restless and even having panic attacks.

Maybe you are being bullied at work, but trying to stand up for yourself means there is a threat to your employment, income, home and life.

On the other hand, it could be that you suspect you might be behaving badly towards others and want to stop to save your marriage or improve other important relationships.

Anxiety is Natural

I am concerned if life has become hard for you. However, in my view, if you have relationship problems, anxiety is actually a healthy response. Anxiety is a biological means of getting ready for action: it's the "fight-or-flight" reaction.

If you are suffering intense and overpowering emotions, it could be that life as you knew it, what you hoped for, even your very identity, is threatened; you really want to change things, but you cannot see how.

Here is what anxiety expert Rollo May says.

"But what characterizes anxiety is the feeling of diffuseness and uncertainty and the experience of helplessness toward the threat."

Dr. Rollo May (1950) – The Meaning of Anxiety

Can you see from reading the above that it is the need to move but not knowing which way to go that is a recipe for anxiety?

Other Ways to Feel Bad

Thinking about the past can lead to depression, and expectations of the future, based on your memory of the past can lead to a self-fulfilling prophesy that it will be bleak, which intensifies anxiety, and thinking that you cannot get out of this may lead to low self-esteem. Not being yourself makes it easier to feel anger because you become tense and ready to react.

The counselling process is known for its effectiveness in bringing clarity to a situation, so it empowers you to make positive changes.

Counselling helps you find who you are

"I felt I could understand more about who I am and what my future expectations are."

ML - 30th March 2018

What is Counselling?

The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy say that

"Counselling and psychotherapy are umbrella terms that cover a range of talking therapies. They are delivered by trained practitioners who work with people over a short or long term to help them bring about effective change and/or enhance their wellbeing"

BACP (2017) - Choosing a Counsellor or Psychotherapist.

It's an evidence-based practice, however, there must be a problem because there are a lot of us with mental health issues.

The Stigma Around Mental Health

According to NHS England

"One in four adults and one in 10 children experience mental illness, and many more of us know and care for people who do."

NHS England - Mental Health.

Personally speaking, I believe that one reason this is so high is that our society is rather judgemental and so many people are reluctant to seek help because of the stigma felt around Mental Health Problems.

An example of this is the insidious cultural pressure on males to be strong and that usually means that men's issues are often kept hidden.

Recent media focus on talking about mental health is useful because keeping quiet about your issues stops you making changes.

Talking Therapy

It's good to talk but finding the right person could be difficult because...

  • You don't want them to know - they might judge you harshly
  • You don't want advice - it doesn't help and you feel uncomfortable when others tell you what to do
  • You don't want to burden them with your troubles
  • You fear they might tell others your secrets

Does Talking to a Counsellor Help?

Most people find talking to a counsellor much more helpful. Here are a few ways in which the above difficulties are overcome...

  • I avoid making judgements because I know from personal experience that anyone can fall on hard times
  • I avoid giving advice - I believe you are the expert on you
  • Sharing your burden should make you feel lighter - it is part of the service you pay for
  • I do not know your friends and family and so there is no come-back on your private life

I am a qualified counsellor - not just in face-to-face work but online therapy too.

British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy Registration Number
Information Commissioner's Office logo

I'm someone who has lived a lot and made plenty of mistakes. However, I have turned things around and realise and accept that nobody is perfect, but that everyone ought to have a chance to talk to someone they feel comfortable with in the hope of changing things.

Since I fully believe that everyone is unique, I don't want anybody to feel judged or condemned, even by themselves. I believe that you have potential and the right to be heard and understood.

If you would like to see what this feels like and give yourself the opportunity to make life better, please get in touch. I can offer a free 30 minute's consultation - just phone, text or email me.

See Things in a New Light

Try this simple but powerful experiment

By focussing your vision in different ways, you can make different shapes stand out from the background. Try looking at the black and white image for a few seconds now to see what you notice, then continue reading.

The Counselling figure - a Rubin Vase - depicts the faces of two people and their relationship as a vase.

Did you see the black shape and then, as you altered your focus, the white shapes? If not, try looking again.

As it is with your eyes, so it is with how you see everything in life. What you see depends on how you focus, and as you have just experienced, that is something you can consciously choose - unless you are stuck in unhelpful thinking habits.

I would aim to support you to explore your thoughts and feelings so you learn you can make conscious choices and free yourself of fixed patterns of behaviour. Then you could live without being overpowered by your emotions, become more confident and have better relationships.

Whoever you are, whatever troubles you have, my aim is to enable you to make sense of everything and see yourself and the world in a different light.

Covid-Safe Online Therapy

Are you worried about contracting Covid-19 whilst having counselling? Online counselling is one of my qualifications and of course, it's Covid-safe, since we would not have to meet in person.

You could work through your issues using a variety of different media: video, telephone, instant messaging or email.

If you were thinking about seeing me in safety, which would be your choice?

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